A Tale of Tempting Marshmallows

Whilst walking along our local High Street, I noticed a large display of pink marshmallows in the window of our local bakers.

This reminded me of the story shared by Daniel Goleman in his first book on the subject of Emotional Intelligence. A study was carried out on young children to see whether they would be able to resist temptation for a potentially greater reward which in this study was two marshmallows instead of the one that was available immediately. Goleman describes the many tactics used by the children to distract themselves away from the waiting treat for what appeared to them like hours, when in fact the experiment only lasted 15 minutes. Around a third of the children succumbed to the treat, whilst the remainder were disciplined enough to succeed in the challenge.

Years later the study went on to establish what had happened to each of the children as they transitioned into adulthood. Interestingly there appeared to be a clear correlation between those children who were disciplined enough to hold on for the second marshmallow and their ongoing success as an adult. Conversely those children who were tempted to immediately access the single marshmallow fared less successfully, often over reacting to the various situations they found themselves in and acting impulsively.It could be concluded that this experiment highlights two distinct personality traits that people are born with however Goleman reasons that these different behavioural responses can indeed be influenced and developed by an individual.

As a leader we sometimes encounter poor performing members of the team who suggest the reason for their shortcomings is down to "just being the way I am". Perhaps no one has invested time to firstly challenge this assumption and secondly support the individual to work on their behaviour. For some this can be identifying and working on the limiting beliefs held by the person to help them break out of a cycle that has steadily become ingrained over time. This cycle begins with the limiting belief which then impacts emotions that subsequently influence behaviours which ultimately affect the outcome. The often negative outcome only serves to reinforce the limiting belief held by the individual and cycle continues.

The key therefore is to really focus in on the belief that is underpinning the behaviour and challenging the reasons why that person holds the belief. Often these reasons start to become no more than excuses when identified and viewed in isolation creating the opportunity to systematically develop a new, more positive belief in place of the limiting one.

It's amazing how this whole thought process can be triggered off by a single random observation. 

The brain is indeed a wonderful piece of technology!

For a free copy of my guide to the seven steps that can improve your company’s competitive advantage please click here.

Resilience in the Classroom

It was interesting to see a report in this week’s Evening Standard regarding an initiative to train teachers to help support their pupils become more resilient. The article suggests that the reason for such an approach is that our children have somehow gone ‘’soft’’ and don’t know how to cope with failure. This is an interesting take on resilience and although the elements of the programme detailed make absolute sense I do hope that the initiative helps address long term development of resilience which for me also includes wellbeing.

From what I can understand the training will support students to set clear goals, encourage optimistic thinking and help manage emotions. These areas fit well into the headings of ‘Structure’ and ‘Attitude’ which underpin the SAW system developed by myself to coach clients through ‘The Resilient Leader’ programme. Clear goals, developed from a having a sense of purpose provide individuals with a meaningful and realistic framework upon which they can achieve future aspirations. Changing key personality traits is problematical however developing behaviours and attitude through building an individual’s self esteem, pragmatic optimism and regard for others is realistic and very achievable.

Walking back from a coaching session today it was interesting to note the activities of passing children enjoying their half term holiday. A number were congregating outside a takeaway enjoying chips and burgers whilst a couple were having a smoke, ironically outside a ‘Health’ centre. Now I guess my Reticular Activating System was aroused sufficiently from reading the article to note these finer details and admittedly I did see a number of children cycling around enjoying themselves. The question I ask myself is around the opportunity to engage children in the basic art of healthy living and ‘Wellbeing’. Now you may be thinking I need to lighten up a bit and let kids enjoy themselves and address ‘health’ issues when they hit full on adulthood. However it is a statistical fact that an obese adolescent is likely to have obese parents. 

I firmly believe that taking a proactive approach to our wellbeing is a fundamental component of building individual resilience, providing  higher grade ‘fuel’ to drive the bodies engine when tough terrain is encountered. This analogy may give the impression that I’m talking only about diet and exercise, however it’s so much more than this. The quantity and quality of sleep are vital components of wellbeing yet I know from firsthand experience that many teenagers stay up until the early hours. Brain stimulation is another area that shouldn’t be neglected especially at an early age. Mastering a musical instrument or artistic pursuit were often ways of expanding the mind, however I wonder whether the same expansion occurs when sat with an I pad on the lap? Technology is a wonderful thing; however, I admittedly struggle to remember the last time I did some rudimentary maths in my head.

I wish everyone involved with the ‘Young Foundation’s Resilience Project’ the very best and hope the model is taken up outside of the London pilot. I also hope that The Department of Education also ensures that pupil Wellbeing remains high on the curriculum.

For a free copy of my guide to the seven steps that can improve your company’s competitive advantage please click here.

Authentic networking for resilience

Building great relationships at work is a key factor of becoming a resilient leader. When networking it's important for an individual to feel comfortable and authentic in their approach. It is very easy to see how people see networking as a difficult activity that will result in the creation of artificial relationships that feel shallow and unproductive.

So how do you network if it doesn’t come naturally to you?

Here are three ideas that could help.

Be clear about what you want to achieve

It can be useful to firstly consider how developing a business relationship will create a win:win:win situation around:

- how I can benefit from developing this relationship
- how the other party could benefit
- how the organisation /s could benefit from the relationship

ie. creating a true win: win: win scenario   This also helps break down those limiting beliefs around the value you can provide the other person. Think of your limiting belief like a coffee table. By challenging the 'evidence' that underpins the limiting belief you start to dismantle it in your mind. This is effectively like removing each of the legs of your coffee table one by one.

Develop an ‘elevator' sentence that helps people understand what you do.

It's funny how we sometimes struggle to succinctly say what we do for a living when initially asked. Some job titles are self explanatory many of us can get a bit tongue tied when asked.

Many people have heard of the 'elevator pitch' and perhaps see it as a bit of a gimick or tool to be used exclusively by hard hitting marketing directors.

However, having a sentence that initially follows up your job title can really help build both confidence and rapport. Firstly think of who you help in the job you do, whether that be an individual, department or organsation. Then think about how you help them and combine it into a sentence.

So for example

‘I help telecommunication companies to react quickly to new developments in the marketplace.’

‘I help companies who are concerned about losing valuable data assess the risks to their business.’

Incidentally unless you are talking to a fellow expert avoid technical jargon and explain what you do in everyday language.   

      Build trust by being genuinely interested in the other person

Think of people you know and trust. What do those trusted individuals do to build that trust? Remember trust is absolute; there is no such thing as partial trust, it either exists or it doesn't.

Understanding your own personal motivation and behaviour helps deliver the core requirements of trust. So think through the answers to the following

'What motivates me?'

' Why do I behave the way I do?'

' What affects my behaviour?'

Trust centres around the virtous circle of giving and getting. We get satisfaction and pleasure from being trusted and as we are trusted more, our own trustworthiness grows

In his ‘principle centred leadership’ model Stephen Covey identifies four levels of practice, starting with trustworthiness at the personal level, which then leads to trust at the interpersonal level. He goes onto breakdown trustworthiness into two key components;

- Character ie. what you are as a person

- Competence ie. what you can do

For example you make like your doctor as a person but if you feel they lack competence to do their job you wouldn’t necessarily trust them. Alternatively the GP maybe extremely competent but you have heard that they carry out unnecessary work to secure additional income. In this case the character of the doctor is in question and trustworthiness is diminished.

For a free copy of my guide to the seven steps that can improve your companies advantage please click on the link below

 http://www.martincrisp.com/freebook/

Post holiday wellbeing commitments

As we leave the summer months behind I have no doubt that whilst taking a well deserved break many of you were considering committing to some kind of improvement activity. Many of us find the relaxing time spent on a beach an opportune time to reflect on the things we really do need to try and start doing. It's almost like a going back to school mentality where starting the autumn term was defined by new uniform, new teacher and shiny new pencil case.

And it's funny when considering how we can improve our wellbeing that the very thing right in front of us is often disregarded. I'm talking about water, whether it be the sea or pool and the art of swimming.

Now I’ve never been a particularly good swimmer historically and would struggle to complete more than a couple of lengths at a time without pausing for breath. A couple of years ago my brother came to stay with us and suggested going swimming one afternoon. Since then I have steadily worked away at improving my technique to a point where I recently completed a one mile sea swim to raise money for the British Heart Foundation.

So why am I so passionate about swimming?

Well…

Fundamentally swimming is a great way to exercise so many different muscles in your body. It is also is a low impact activity which is great if you suffer from a bit of osteoarthritis. For me I like the fact that my body doesn't overheat in the way it often does when carrying out over cardio activity. 

And there’s more..

for the reason why I personally love swimming is the calming benefits it has on the mind. I often find I can go into an almost trance like state after a short period, finally leaving the pool feeling totally refreshed, re-energised and calm.

I have also found swimming excellent when needing to work through an issue in my mind and for some reason I seem to gain a greater clarity of thought with better options emerging. I'm aware that there is some science behind this however I'm not going to explore this in detail right now.

So if I have inspired you to at least consider trundling off to your nearest leisure centre pool here's a few ideas and advice for you to consider.

 - Have a go and see if you genuinely enjoy swimming. It's not for everyone.

- If you do enjoy it then consider having a few lessons early on to improve your technique.

- An interesting swimming technique often used by triathletes is called ‘Total Immersion’ which was developed by Terry Loughlin. This option is also favoured by ‘4 hour week’ author TImothy Ferris and is described in his comprehensive guide ‘The 4 Hour Body'.

- When practicing focus on one particular element of your technique and really master it. For example getting the breathing right will make a huge difference to both the quality and duration of the swim.

- Buy yourself some good googles... I've tried many and the best by far are the Aqua Sphere Kaimen brand which simply doesn’t leak. Another huge advantage is you can adjust them without removing them from your head.

- Don't swim in your baggy shorts. I did this for the first year not realising how much resistance they produce. Opt for a streamline speedo trunk cut off just above the knee cap (not the tiny trunks unless you really want to) and save the shorts for holidays.

- If you can start practicing in a smaller, shallower pool as it's easier to focus on your technique.

- Many leisure pools offer discounted bulk sessions

- Don't swim on an empty stomach. Most people know not to swim just after eating however you aren't doing yourself any favours if you swim on a totally empty stomach. Have a light snack about 30 to 60 minutes prior such as yoghurt, fruit , or some hummus and vegetable crudités depending on the time of day.

So there you go.. Give it a try and see if it works for you.

If you would like a copy of my free book 'Fit for business' then please just click on the link below

http://www.martincrisp.com/freebook/

A level resilience

Like many parents I spent Thursday morning anxiously waiting to hear how my middle daughter had done in her A levels. It's been a challenging year for her as she has had to manage the disappointment of not being offered a place on the course which she had set her heart on.

Now, like everyone we all went through the emotional cycle of change experiencing feelings of disbelief, denial, anger etc. I was concerned that the set back may impact on my daughters motivation to do as well as she could in her forthcoming exams. What made it worse was that the college she applied to was not prepared to give any feedback as to what specifically had led to their decision so at least my daughter could have gained some feedback for future applications.

After the initial disappointment my daughter picked herself up and focused back on her studies with a calmness and determination that has impressed us all. Although fully immersed in her studies my daughter continued to attempt to make contact with the university to find out more information that could help her with a future application.

So a timely tale to share which I think links well to the three resilient attitudes identified by Salvatore Maddi and Deborah Khoshaba in their excellent book 'Resilience at Work'. In the book they suggest that the attitudes of commitment, control and challenge came up repeatedly when analysing a group of resilient managers.

Commitment from the point of view that if an individual’s work or studies is important enough to them then full attention, focus and effort will follow.

Control in that an individual keeps trying to positively influence the outcomes of the changes going on around them.

Challenge in the fact that an individual faces into potentially stressful changes, seek to understand and learn from them before establishing a plan to move forward.

Over the past six months my daughter has worked through the implications of taking a year out and constructed a plan to maximise her chances of success next time around. This included securing part time employment and seeking voluntary work in a local school.

So does this story have a happy ending?

Well it does actually and I'm proud to say that my daughter achieved better grades than were required for her entry onto the course. She  then spent several frustrating hours trying to contact the university to advise them of her success.

..and the result?

A place on the course starting in October!

We are all very proud of her not only in terms of her academic achievement but also around the resilient maturity demonstrated.

So we are now preparing to celebrate her success on the fields of Chelmsford as we head off to the V festival and looking outside the window it's raining.

Looks like we will all have to demonstrate a level of resilience this weekend!

If you would like a copy of my free book 'Fit for business' then please just click on the link below

http://www.martincrisp.com/freebook/